Family – travisledwards.com

A while back my oldest daughter was having a difficult time going to sleep. It wasn’t because she wasn’t tired, she was. It wasn’t because she doesn’t have a comfy bed, she does. The reason she was having such a difficult time going to sleep was because she was scared.

I wasn’t able to determine exactly why she was scared but she was afraid of something.

As a result, every night we went through the same routine to try and calm her fears. We made sure the closet door was shut. We turned on lights in the hallway and the bathroom. We reminded her that Jesus is always with her. We assured her that daddy and mommy would be in their room if she needed us. Some nights it worked and she went to sleep without much drama, other nights, however, it didn’t go very well at all.

On this particular night that was the case. It was time to go to bed and she wasn’t having it. We had gone through our normal routine to try and convince her everything was going to be okay and that there was nothing to be afraid of. Instead of getting calmer, however, she got more frantic. She was screaming and refusing to lie down and that’s when I had reached my limit.

I am usually a very empathetic person. If someone is feeling any kind of pain I am feeling it with them. This particular night, however, my empathizer had gone AWOL. Instead of identifying with what she was feeling at that moment I made it all about what I was feeling at that moment. I was tired and ready for bed and so I raised my voice and told her to go to sleep or there would be consequences.

She slept well that night (at least she pretended to anyway) but I didn’t. As soon as I was finished talking with her the Holy Spirit started talking with me. It was a talk that began that night and continued the next morning.

As I was shaving and pondering the way I had responded I heard the still small voice of God say to me:

don’t be a monster your kids are afraid of.

Ouch.

I had just got cut while shaving but it wasn’t on my face it was in my heart.

Galatians 5:22-23 says that the fruit of the Holy Spirit is …patience…and gentleness… Obviously, I had been lacking in both the night before with my daughter and as result my actions were in no way Christ-like. They were in fact selfish and self-centered and God reminded me that neither are becoming of a dad that wants his children to run to him in their fear.

So that evening I modeled for my daughter humility. I took her aside, explained to her my actions the night before were wrong, and asked if she would forgive me.

She did, we hugged and all was well again.

But not forgotten.

I haven’t forgotten that experience and pray I never do.

Occasionally, when I am shaving, I look at myself in the mirror and ask myself: what do my kids see when they look at me? Do they see a monster that scares them or a man of God that cares for them?

When you look in the mirror tomorrow morning I encourage you to ask the same question of yourself.

What do your kids see when they look at you?

In November 2013 Disney released a movie that captured the hearts of young and old alike.

In the weeks and months following its release there was no mistaking that our culture had fallen in love with the main characters of the movie: Elsa, Anna, Kristoff, and Olaf.

Shirts were sold bearing their image.

Birthday party after birthday party had them as their theme.

Nearly everywhere you went the conversation eventually made its way around to this movie: school, church, work, the gym. Okay, maybe not the gym but you get my point. People couldn’t stop talking about this movie and singing its songs.

Of course the movie I am referring to is “Frozen”.

Surprised?

I didn’t think so. I have a feeling you were probably frozen in time after the first sentence.

I bet you might have even started singing “Let it Go” in your head when you figured out the direction I was going.

Another song from the movie you are likely familiar with is “Do You Want to Build a Snowman”?

“Do you wanna build a snowman

Come on, let’s go and play!

I never see you anymore
Come out the door
It’s like you’ve gone away

We used to be best buddies
And now we’re not
I wish you would tell me why!

Do you wanna build a snowman?
It doesn’t have to be a snowman”.

Those lyrics are stirring aren’t they? Here’s a little girl that misses the close relationship she once had with her big sister. She doesn’t understand what happened to put this relational distance between them. All she knows is that she wants her sister back and is willing to do anything to make it a happen.

As we consider our own life it’s important to listen closely to hear if someone in our family is knocking at the door of our heart asking: “do you want to build a snowman?” Does our spouse or children feel like we’ve gone away because they never see us anymore?

In Ephesians 5:15-16 we are instructed to “be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity”.

It is never a wise decision to close the door on our family in order to give ourselves to other things. Sacrificing the relationship we have with our family on the altar of opportunity is unwise. The only opportunities worth giving ourselves to are those that give us more time with our family.

The opportunity to be a husband or wife is now; we need to make the most of it. The chance to be a daddy or mommy is now; we need to seize it.

We must listen closely to the one knocking at the door of our heart asking if we want to build a snowman and then respond by giving them what they want. You see, it’s really not a snowman that they want to build with us but rather a close relationship.

We need to open up the door and give them the time of our life. We’ll be glad we did and so will they. [Tweet “Now is the moment to go build a snowman with someone in your family.”]

What steps can you take today to make more time for your family?

Following Jesus. Learning to Lead.

Category: Family

Monster Youniversity

Do You Want To Build A Snowman? (Unthawing Frozen Relationships)